Tuesday In depth

Did Jake really believe that his girlfriend would be happy being second in his life?

I don't believe he did.

If Jake had truly been putting his work first and his girlfriend second I don't think he would have been upset that she left. By his reaction to her leaving I get the impression that she was not second, but that he was having trouble balancing his need to succeed at work and his need to be a boyfriend.

Our society puts a lot of pressure, especially on men, to be successful and to make money. Men are encouraged to identify with their careers more than being good boyfriends or good people. It is unfortunate that our society focuses on superficial things that don't really matter. What do I mean by that?

Walk by any magazine rack and you will see beautiful people airbrushed and smiling, skinny fitness gurus and things you 'must' buy to keep up with your neighbours. If you look at the business racks you see magazines about making more money, how you should invest that money and what gadgets you can spend that money on.

Our society has become all about superficial things that don't really matter. You are not a better person if you have a beautiful face or body, or if you have a lot of money and an iphone, for example. These are all exterior qualities or things that are of no real intrinsic value.

Having said that there is nothing wrong with looking after yourself, staying in shape and enjoying your work. There is everything good about wanting to be successful, but in all of these desires something is not being mentioned, not being faced.

Why was Jake upset his girlfriend left? It was because he loved her and didn't put his priorities in the right order for him. He fell into society's trap of focusing on doing, working, having, and not focusing on being present for his girlfriend emotionally. It is so important to remember that people want to be heard. People want to be acknowledged and they want to be loved.

I doubt that Jake would have been happy being second in his girlfriend's life. How would he have felt if she were constantly checking her phone, e-mails and working first and spending time with him only when she could 'fit him in'?

He would have resented her time spent away from him and likely asked her to put all that aside sometimes to only focus on him. Would that have been an unreasonable request? No, I don't believe so. If she couldn't even go away for a week without working what would that have told him? That would have told him that nothing is more important than her work, not even him.

Behaviour is everything. Everyone can take a week off from work. Some people choose not to, but everyone can do it. Life is about making choices. If you behave as if your work is more important than anything else but don't actually feel that way, then you are off balance.

I believe this is what happened to Jake. He focused on fulfilling his work commitments, but forgot about his commitment to his own feelings. He loved his girlfriend and wanted to be with her, but didn't end up behaving that way.



It was great to have you here at Tuesday In depth. Come by on Friday for my weekly The way is love blog and feel free to ask questions or make comments.

Peace and love.