Doris wrote to me about her need to be busy all the time. She has a full-time job and looks after her house, exercises regularly, walks her dog every day and that already keeps her life pretty busy.
But Doris also irons her clothes at least twice, keeps reorganizing her closets over and over again, repaints rooms that are freshly painted and shops at several grocery stores every week. Doris is starting to wonder why she feels as if she should be doing something constantly.
She said it's been more than a year since she remembers sitting down and just relaxing.
I know that our society encourages people to be doing something all the time. It is implied that being busy means being important. That simply isn't true, however.
People who need to be busy and cannot relax are disconnected from themselves.
Why would Doris spend time doing everything but staying in touch with herself?
There are many reasons why people stay out of touch with themselves. It could be the fear of really knowing themselves, the fear of maybe not liking what they see or avoiding the fact that they aren't making the right choices in their lives. Every person has their own reasons for losing touch with themselves.
It takes time to get to know another person and build a friendship and relationship with that person. The same thing applies to yourself. If you don't take the time to be still and listen to what your inner-self is telling you then how can you be friends with yourself, have a relationship with yourself or love yourself?
I think that a lot of people would go to the effort for another person without realizing that they should be doing the same thing with themselves.
Doris needs to plan into her day short moments of stillness. At first it could be only five minutes to sip on a cup of tea without any distractions. Small moments at first will get her in the habit of thinking about herself without putting too much pressure on herself.
Once she gets in the habit of thinking about herself regularly she can lengthen the moments until she is able to spend an afternoon at the beach or lie out in the sun in her backyard.
As she becomes more and more still she will realize why she was avoiding stillness in the first place. She does not need to judge herself about why she lost touch, she only needs to honour herself for making the effort to find herself again.
Meditating is a great way to honour yourself while staying in touch with yourself. Meditating can lengthen your life as well. And using techniques such as Creative Visualization not only helps you know yourself, but also helps you attain what you want from your life in very positive, life-affirming ways.
I hope Doris takes the time and makes the effort to find herself again. Living a full, aware life takes a lot of energy, time and work, but it is one of the most satisfying ways to honour yourself and everyone around you.
