Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Andrew is eating too much

After moving to California on business, Andrew feels lost and very alone. He wrote to me about never anticipating the reaction he's had and that he feels lonely and isolated a lot of the time.

Andrew realizes that he misses his home town and his friends and familiar landmarks and faces. The culture is also different in California and he is having trouble getting used to the constant car travel. Andrew says that he's gained some weight and thinks he's been eating more because he's lonely and feeling stressed.

He's wondering what he should do.

He was very enthusiastic about moving initially and makes efforts to socialize and find new friends. He said he forgot how hard it is and how long it takes to become good friends with someone. Andrew realizes that he'd been taking his social life for granted back in his home town. In his home town he knew so many people after going to school there and working there too that he didn't realize how moving would take all that away.

He says he's homesick and flies back as often as he can, but that's getting expensive and makes returning to California all the more lonely.

Andrew is wondering whether he should stay in California or move back to his home town.

I think that Andrew probably already knows the answer inside himself, but he's not yet ready to act on it. The most important thing that Andrew should realize from his move is what his priorities are in his life.

When he moved to California he may have believed that his work was the most important thing in his life and if that were true he would probably be handling the move differently. If work had really been his top priority he would have handled the social isolation realizing that it was all part of moving somewhere new.

Andrew, however, isn't finding it any easier living there as time goes by, in fact it is getting harder and he is turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with his loneliness and feelings of isolation: He's eating too much.

Starting to rely on dysfunctional coping mechanisms is Andrew's clue that he's out of balance inside himself. He knows he has to make a decision and a good way for him to feel comfortable acting on that decision is for him to review his priorities.

I would say, from reading his letter, that his friends, social life and his home town are higher priorities to him than his work. That's not to say that his work isn't important to him, but emotionally he feels more fulfilled and whole as a person when he is with his friends and in his home town.

That is very understandable and it is important that he honours who he is by acknowledging his true feelings. The idea of moving to California and starting a new job may have been exciting at first, but Andrew is obviously not comfortable with the move from a personal, social standpoint.

He likes to be where his friends are and where his life is social and familiar and established. I hope Andrew is able to decide what his true priorities are and act on them. His life is his own and he should honour what his inner voice is telling him.

Peace and love to you all,

Until next time,

Jacqueline