Janice wrote to me about her inability to handle change well. She said that the smallest thing can set her off and make her upset and inflexible. For Janice it can be something as simple as a change in chosen restaurant for supper or a minor schedule change at work and she will start complaining and worrying that things won't work out. She said she gets used to the idea of one thing and then when she has to get used to a new unanticipated event she feels unsettled, even if the new event makes more sense, is more convenient or has transpired for a legitimate reason.
I think that most people have to emotionally adjust to plan changes. Some people, such as Janice, take longer to adjust than others, but everyone has to rethink things before they can feel comfortable with them. Change is one of the constants in life (as odd as that sounds) and it is important not to invest so deeply in situations that even a restaurant change makes you feel out of balance.
Being flexible is a skill that some people learn more easily than others. This is a skill, however, that needs to be learned by everyone.
Why is learning to be flexible so important, especially for people like Janice?
Well, what if tomorrow she got laid off and consequently her whole routine changed dramatically. Her income is lost, she no longer has work colleagues and her social network has ended as well.
If Janice, and people like her, are upset by minor changes how will they handle being laid off? Chances are not too well. But they are not likely the only person affected by their job loss. What if they have children and a spouse that counts on them for not only financial help but emotional support as well?
Janice, and people like her, simply can't curl up and stop doing their chores, attending to their responsibilities or being a mother and a wife. They are adults and therefore examples for their children, friends, family members and for their spouses.
There are ways to deal with unanticipated change, whether small or large.
First of all, it is important to remember that we are essentially the same person at one restaurant versus another, one day versus another and at any job we do. We are also the same person whether we are employed or unemployed. That is not to say that we do not grow personally over time, but our intrinsic value is within us and not related to any outside situation.
Secondly, identifying too much with a person, place or thing is counterproductive because it distances us from ourselves. A lot of people get caught up in the 'importance' of the roles they play in life and forget that they are an individual independent of all these roles. Janice is not a mother or employee or a friend first--she is herself first.
Thirdly, once we acknowledge that change can be emotionally difficult we can address why change makes us feel uncomfortable and deal with it.
In my Tuesday In depth blog I will be discussing how being inflexible limits our personal experiences and isolates us from other people--and consequently ourselves. I hope to see you then.
Thank you for experiencing The way is love today. I hope you enjoyed Janice's story and if you have any comments please feel free to discuss your ideas and feelings with me.
Peace and love.
