There's an old saying, "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar."
If only most people, and our society, understood and acted on the wisdom of this idiom. If they did, imagine how different our everyday lives would be.
For example, imagine if, when we received back our tests at school, that our teachers emphasized how many answers we got correct rather than the ones we didn't:
"Good for you, you got seven right out of ten. Good job! You understand the questions on the most part and have a good grasp of the subject matter."
But instead, what do we usually hear?
"Seven out of ten is not bad, but why did you get those three wrong? I know you can do better. Sit down and correct those questions now so you don't make the same mistakes in the future."
I am not opposed to correcting the three that I got wrong, but when the teacher focuses mostly on those three then I feel as if they haven't even really seen the seven I got right.
And what about the news we read every day in the newspaper and see every night on the TV? We are presented with fake-looking people who smile and announce one disaster after another after another. It never seems to phase them that they are telling us about earthquakes, genocides, missing persons, accidental deaths. I am sure if we calculated the amount of negative information versus the amount of positive information they give us, it would be a ratio of 9:1.
I believe that it is important to stay informed about what is going on in the world and close to home, but I know there are a lot of very positive events happening as well it's just that no one is broadcasting them in the newspaper or on national TV.
Why not?
I think that the majority of people in our society prefer to focus on other people's sorrows and hardships because it makes them feel less upset about their own lives. They talk about Haiti or Israel, bullying or drug trafficking and they feel as if their lives are okay. The fact that their marriage isn't what they would like it to be or that their job isn't challenging enough or that they don't really have any ambitions anymore just doesn't seem as interesting or important as all that's happening outside of themselves.
While it is true that knowing what other people are experiencing can put your own life in perspective, it is also important not to lose site of the forest for the trees. What does that mean?
For example, if your husband is often late, doesn't really listen to you when you talk, spends a lot of time on his own hobbies and doesn't know what your hobbies are, these are what I would call the trees. These trees put together become a forest that means that your husband has lost touch with who you are and has let his relationship with you lapse. You may treat him the same way and that may be why it started in the first place, but a lot of people complain about "the little things" that are simply trees in the forest of their lives.
Society does the same things by focusing on all the events that occur that are upsetting or unhealthy or dramatic and these things keep us from seeing the big picture, whatever that may be for a given situation or topic. The big picture, however, is what it's all about and is what keeps us focused and moving forward in our lives.
The seven right answers are the forest and the three wrong answers are the trees: Focus on the seven and know why the three happened and your life will be on track. That doesn't mean it'll always be positive, you could have gotten seven wrong and three right, but paying attention to the why is what changes our lives and keeps us honest with ourselves, and others.
