It is incredible how our brains can see things so differently depending on our mood.
I am missing someone. They are away on vacation and I feel as if a piece of me is gone. Rationally, I know their absence is only temporary, but my whole mindset changed nonetheless.
I felt a bit lost, alone, vulnerable and negative. The glass became half empty, which is not like me at all. I realized that only my perception of my life had changed, but that my life really hadn't. Except the fact, of course, that I am away from someone I love deeply.
I think the way that I feel is a part of my psyche, a part of my soul that is difficult to express and understand. It is almost as if I am in suspension, waiting and feeling slightly disconnected from the Now while I wait. I can still function, I work, laugh, love, cry--everything, but I am waiting for their return.
I feel as if my life is not completely in the Now without them.
I think that as human beings we grow very accustomed to the people we love. We weave our lives around them and become involved in their lives as they become involved in our lives. That is why setting one less place at the table or not making them a lunch or not kissing them before bed is so strange and leaves an empty place in my heart.
This is the fifth year that I have felt this way. It is never the same, but it always settles over me until their return.
I am honoured and grateful to love so much and to feel such loss when they are away. Love is many, many things and sometimes it doesn't feel too good. That is life and I will feel whole again upon their return.
Peace and love to you all,
Jacqueline
