Maggie says her husband is a good man...but is he?

Maggie wrote to me about her teenage son's hatred for his father. Maggie said her husband hasn't been working for about five years now because of his heart condition. He is a heavy smoker and spends his time lying on the couch watching TV, napping and smoking all day. Maggie's husband doesn't clean the house, make any meals or do any laundry while Maggie holds down a full-time job and looks after the household too.

Maggie's son, David, doesn't want to be near his father. David refuses to eat dinner with the family and often yells at his father calling him lazy and selfish. David spends most of his time in his room.

Maggie made it very clear that David is expected to do well at his private school and keep a part-time job. Maggie feels that her husband is a good man and a good father and doesn't understand why David is so hard on him. She thinks that David is being ungrateful and acting like a spoiled child.

There are a few issues going on within this family that I think are not being acknowledged by Maggie.

• Maggie doesn't seem to believe that her husband is lazy or taking advantage of her.
• Maggie's husband already has a heart condition but he continues to be a heavy smoker which is self-destructive.
• David is angry because he thinks his father is lazy and selfish, but Maggie defends her husband's behaviour.
• Maggie's son refuses to spend time with his father and Maggie claims not to understand why.

Maggie is denying a lot of what is happening in the dynamics of this family. David is right about his father's behaviour, but because Maggie is in denial she is reinforcing her husband's behaviour by defending him.

David is expected to be more responsible than his father and this is, naturally, making him very angry. He thinks his parents' expectations of him are unfair considering the fact that his father isn't expected to do anything at all.

David has the right to be angry. Maggie needs to face her situation before her relationship with her son is ruined.

I do not know why Maggie is defending her husband. Even if her husband is legitimately sick because of a heart condition he is obviously not making any effort whatsoever to contribute to the family. He is actually hurting himself further by smoking and lying on the couch all day. These are two extremely unhealthy habits. But on top of that Maggie and her husband expect their son to be responsible and hard-working even though his father clearly is not.

David's father is setting a horrible example. Not only is he taking advantage of his wife and making her life extremely stressful because she is responsible for everything, but he is also alienating their son. When Maggie sides with her husband, even though her husband is behaving very poorly, she is giving her son no choice but to stay away from them both physically and emotionally.

David is being emotionally isolated and this concerns me greatly. David sees his family situation very clearly and in my opinion has every right to be angry, but no one is validating his feelings. On the contrary, both of his parents are telling him he is wrong and that he is the selfish, ungrateful one.

It is time for Maggie to wake up and start defending her very responsible son. Maggie also needs to stop allowing her husband to take advantage of her.

I don't know why Maggie has accepted being used, but she needs to get a hold of this situation. Her mother-son relationship needs to be re-established before irreparable damage has been done.

Sometimes these unequal relationships set up very slowly over time and it is possible that Maggie has become used to it. She may not realize how much she is being taken advantage of because it happened gradually. However, David can teach her a very valuable lesson, if she is willing to learn it. Children have a natural talent for recognizing the difference between fair and unfair and David has recognized the inequality of this situation. I hope Maggie is able to listen to her son and accept the fact that her husband needs to change his behaviour before it's too late.

She's amazing and he's going to break up with her

Peter wrote to me about his new girlfriend, Deborah. He has been seeing Deborah for the last six months and Peter thinks she is beautiful, smart, warm, funny and kind. And on top of all that she really likes Peter. Deborah is very enthusiastic about their relationship and about Peter's work. Peter thinks, however, that she may be staying with him because he recently got an acting job on a TV series.

Peter said that he met Deborah around the same time he got the acting job and he doesn't think it is a coincidence. Peter wants to know if his friends are right thinking he's crazy to break up with her or if he should let her go.

I can understand Peter's caution about being with someone that wants him purely for his star status. Peter is looking for a relationship based on mutual love and respect and it would be painful for him to find out that Deborah was interested only in his fame. I agree with Peter that it was not a coincidence (because I don't believe in coincidences) that he met Deborah when he did; but I'd like to suggest that maybe he met her not for the reason he thinks he did.

It is possible that he was in a very good space in his life when he met her. He may have been emitting very dynamic, positive energy that not only helped him get the acting job, but also attracted Deborah to him. Despite what people say about opposites attracting, physicists have know for a long time now that like attracts like. I think that when Peter met Deborah they were likely both giving off similar positive energy and that's what attracted them to each other.

I have experienced this in my own life and it is a remarkable experience and can seem too good to be true at first (but, believe me, it isn't). Our culture has trained us to believe that love is difficult, that we must struggle to attain it and keep it and that often people are trying to use us in some way.

If Peter's feelings and intentions for Deborah are true and he loves her for all her wonderful qualities and for herself then he should stay with her. If she is as wonderful as he described then he shouldn't break up with her because she might be in love with his fame.

Why shouldn't he? Because, what if she is in love with him and not his fame?

If he chooses to break up with her rather than take that chance he may end up losing a wonderful woman that he could have spent his life with.

There is a reason why Peter and Deborah met and it may be for all the right reasons and none of the wrong ones.


Thank you for being part of The way is love today.

Feel free to send me your suggestions and comments.

Peace and love.

Opportunity where you least expect it

Michael wrote me about finding his dream job where he least expected it. He said he had always wanted to be a travel writer and experience different cultures while working for a network. Michael kept applying for network jobs related to writing, but he always ended up with a desk job that didn't involve travel. Then he tried working as a reporter on assignment, but he was only given local assignments, nothing international.

Every time he tried to mix writing and travel it never seemed to work. Michael became discouraged and disillusioned thinking that maybe his dream just wasn't ever going to become reality. Michael finally quit his job at the network and started working for a bank instead. He didn't really know much about finance but decided to give it a try.

After working at the bank for six months he happened to meet someone from the bank who was looking for an insurance agent and researcher. She needed a writer with reporting and interviewing experience to collect insurance-related data from banking clients all over the world. Michael ended up getting the job and has been doing it ever since. That was over a year ago.

Michael's point in writing me was to express how he ended up finding his dream job exactly where he hadn't expected it.

I think Michael is making a great point. Sometimes life gives us opportunities that we can't even imagine. We can have our mind's set on a certain dream and possibly miss out on an opportunity because we are not keeping our eye's open. Dreams can be fulfilled in all different shapes and forms.

I have had this happen to me as well and once someone even had to say to me, "Wake up! I am offering you a great opportunity here. It is yours if you want it. Wake up!"

Opportunities in life, whether professional or personal, don't always happen the way we expect them to. My life has changed dramatically in the last few years and if someone had asked me five years ago if I'd be here, I never would have said yes. I am thrilled to be where I am, however, and wouldn't want my life to be any different, but in my mind I never imagined it would transpire the way it has.

Our lives are filled with opportunities if we keep our eye's and mind's open. It is important to not have preconceived notions about how things will play out. And for those times when we just don't get it I hope we all have someone forthright enough to say, "Wake up!" I'm glad I did.

Saying sorry in the real world

Janice thinks she apologizes too much. She often says 'I'm sorry,' without even realizing it and is wondering if it is a problem. Janice also mentions that when it comes to important, emotionally charged situations she tends not to apologize at all, even if the situation warrants it.

I think it is common in our society for women to apologize for many little things that come up. For example, how many times have you backed up and almost, but not quite, stepped on someone, and said, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.' I have certainly apologized countless times in situations such as this that don't require an apology.

Men tend to apologize less and I have noticed that when men inadvertently step on someone, for example, they often don't apologize even then. In our society men are only encouraged to apologize for larger offences, but there is a stigma attached to men apologizing nonetheless. Real men just aren't supposed to apologize, and consequently not a lot of them do.

I think that anyone apologizing for small things that don't warrant an apology is not a good idea. Whenever something is said too often it loses its import.

I have trained myself to not say I'm sorry at the drop of a hat. I think, especially for women, it's not a good idea to be apologizing all the time. As a gender we are not collectively responsible for events that happen and we shouldn't act as if we are.

Also no one is responsible for so many things around them that they need to be apologizing again and again. It sends a message of weakness and culpability. People who apologize too much can either appear insincere or to be lacking in confidence.

Janice said that she has no trouble apologizing for the small, insignificant things but can't seem to say she's sorry at the important times. This is another issue.

Taking responsibility for your mistakes or for hurting someone's feelings (whether purposefully or not) is part of being a mature person. People who have trouble saying they are sorry when it is important often blame things or situations for their behaviour, rather than taking responsibility for themselves. They will often say things like, 'well, if you hadn't made me come home then I wouldn't have been rude to you' or 'if you'd told me about the schedule change earlier I wouldn't have been so late,' and so on. There is no excuse for being rude at any time and if the person knew about the schedule change then why were they late at all?

I wonder why Janice apologizes for all the small stuff but can't take responsibility for her behaviour when it really counts? Does she believe that all the small apologies are enough? Does she believe that being self-effacing in general negates her poor behaviour at other times?

I think the fact that Janice is aware of her behaviour is a big step in the right direction.

My advice to Janice would be to stop apologizing for the small stuff and start taking responsibility, and apologizing, for the big stuff. These are both extremely important steps to becoming a mature person and using the word 'sorry' when it really matters gives your apology the weight it deserves.




Thank you for being at The way is love today. I wish you all peace and love and until next Friday live well, love much and laugh often.

Societal pressures and raising children

Marianne wrote to me about her frustration with the expectations of her son's hockey coach. She said her son is only ten years old but the coach pressures the parents into making sure that their kids never miss a game or practice. Even legitimate reasons for missing a game or practice are frowned upon. Marianne said her son's coach called her and said that he felt she wasn't keeping her commitment to the team because her son had missed one practice and one game. She explained that she felt three games in one week was asking too much and that's why she hadn't taken her son to the third game.

For Marianne the situation is also complicated by the fact that she is a single mother and doesn't see her son every day. She wanted to spend that Sunday morning relaxing with her son rather than getting up at six a.m. to take him to an early morning hockey game. She explained this to her son's coach, but he did not understand her decision to spend quality time with her son.

The pressure that Marianne is feeling is an excellent example of how our society, in general, focuses on performance rather than relationships.

I think organized sports are great for kids and my son has played hockey for five years now, however, I have also experienced the same pressures as Marianne. Marianne's question to me was how can she get her son's coach to understand her position.

My answer is she likely can't.

It isn't important whether the coach understands where she's coming from. It is important for Marianne to remember that she is the one raising her son and she is the one that decides what is reasonable and unreasonable to expect of herself and her son. If the coach doesn't want to see her point of view or care about her situation that is his loss. Marianne can choose when it makes sense for her son to go, and not go, to the games and practices.

It is important to teach children that when they play on a team that they should go to as many games and practices as possible. But it is also equally important to teach children that a hockey game or practice is not more important than their school work, family relationships or special events, such as the birthday party of a best friend. I know that my son's coach would expect his son to miss everything but his school work to attend a practice or game. That is his choice.

What happens to boys who grow up thinking that duty to the 'team' is more important than anything else? They grow up to be men that put their work before everything else in their lives, including their families.

Our society is becoming more and more chaotic. Children have less and less unstructured time and as a result are over-scheduled. This over-scheduling means parents and children don't have enough quality time together.

When I told my son's coach that my son would be unable to attend a practice because of a family gathering the coach said that was my choice but that he didn't agree with it.

That is what life is like. We can't always agree, but we must remember to raise our children according to our own beliefs despite societal pressures, whether small or large.


Thank you for being here at The way is love. If you have any suggestions for blog topics or any comments or questions don't hesitate to ask.

Peace and love.

Tuesday In depth

When we are inflexible about predicable changes in our lives, like Janice was in my last blog, we distance ourselves from other people. We hold other people responsible for our own fearful feelings and this creates animosity and keeps people at arm's length emotionally.

Do most people realize they are behaving this way? I don't think so. People who find change unsettling and even frightening are often behaving unconsciously.

People like Janice think that controlling everything around them will reduce their fearful feelings, but just the opposite is true.

The more Janice tries to control everything in her life the more chaotic her life will feel.

Why?

Because control is an illusion.

Fearful people end up focusing on how change makes everything go wrong. When plans change, as they naturally do, people like Janice think that things shouldn't be changing and therefore aren't going right.

Because Janice can't handle change her insecurity will manifest itself in inflexible behaviour and animosity towards whoever changed, or wants to change, the plans.

When we react out of fear to predictable life changes we are putting our own (irrational) feelings first and putting other people last. That's why fearful people find it hard to maintain friendships. Spending time with controlling, fearful people is a stressful, negative experience. Very few people will spend time with fearful people for very long.

This creates a vicious cycle for inflexible people. They are incapable of handling change, focus on trying to control everything to compensate, alienate the people around them in the process and end up getting angry that they are alone and misunderstood.

The question people like Janice need to address and answer honestly is why they want to control everything?

We create our own realities and externalizing our fears is an example of how to create a chaotic, frightening and lonely life.

Accepting the inevitability of change

Janice wrote to me about her inability to handle change well. She said that the smallest thing can set her off and make her upset and inflexible. For Janice it can be something as simple as a change in chosen restaurant for supper or a minor schedule change at work and she will start complaining and worrying that things won't work out. She said she gets used to the idea of one thing and then when she has to get used to a new unanticipated event she feels unsettled, even if the new event makes more sense, is more convenient or has transpired for a legitimate reason.

I think that most people have to emotionally adjust to plan changes. Some people, such as Janice, take longer to adjust than others, but everyone has to rethink things before they can feel comfortable with them. Change is one of the constants in life (as odd as that sounds) and it is important not to invest so deeply in situations that even a restaurant change makes you feel out of balance.

Being flexible is a skill that some people learn more easily than others. This is a skill, however, that needs to be learned by everyone.

Why is learning to be flexible so important, especially for people like Janice?

Well, what if tomorrow she got laid off and consequently her whole routine changed dramatically. Her income is lost, she no longer has work colleagues and her social network has ended as well.

If Janice, and people like her, are upset by minor changes how will they handle being laid off? Chances are not too well. But they are not likely the only person affected by their job loss. What if they have children and a spouse that counts on them for not only financial help but emotional support as well?

Janice, and people like her, simply can't curl up and stop doing their chores, attending to their responsibilities or being a mother and a wife. They are adults and therefore examples for their children, friends, family members and for their spouses.

There are ways to deal with unanticipated change, whether small or large.

First of all, it is important to remember that we are essentially the same person at one restaurant versus another, one day versus another and at any job we do. We are also the same person whether we are employed or unemployed. That is not to say that we do not grow personally over time, but our intrinsic value is within us and not related to any outside situation.

Secondly, identifying too much with a person, place or thing is counterproductive because it distances us from ourselves. A lot of people get caught up in the 'importance' of the roles they play in life and forget that they are an individual independent of all these roles. Janice is not a mother or employee or a friend first--she is herself first.

Thirdly, once we acknowledge that change can be emotionally difficult we can address why change makes us feel uncomfortable and deal with it.



In my Tuesday In depth blog I will be discussing how being inflexible limits our personal experiences and isolates us from other people--and consequently ourselves. I hope to see you then.

Thank you for experiencing The way is love today. I hope you enjoyed Janice's story and if you have any comments please feel free to discuss your ideas and feelings with me.



Peace and love.

Children and fulfillment

Nancy wrote to me and said she has missed out on a fulfilling life because she does not have a child. Nancy said that she hasn't met a man that she wanted to have a child with and now feels very lonely and somewhat depressed about it. Even though Nancy is only 40, she thinks that she is too old to have a child now.

Being a parent is a very rewarding experience and also a huge responsibility. Becoming a parent is not a decision to be taken lightly. I think if Nancy hasn't felt right about having a child with the men she has met so far that she has made the right decision in not doing so.

The concern I have is that Nancy seems to feel that the only way her life will be fulfilled is if she has a child. She thinks she won't ever have a child now so her life, consequently, will never be fulfilled.

Nancy needs to accept the fact that she may never have a child and realize that her life can be extremely fulfilling without having children. There are many ways Nancy can make a contribution to a child's life without that child necessarily being her own. She could even adopt a child if she felt able to do that financially and emotionally. It may not be exactly what she had imagined her life would be, but it is important to be flexible because there are always alternatives if you keep your mind open to them.

I hope that Nancy learns to accept that she may not have a child. If she accepts that then she can start coming up with alternatives that will make her life fulfilling. Nancy has so many options that she may not yet realize. I don't want her to only focus on what she feels she doesn't have.

Why?

Focusing her energy only on what she feels she'll never have is a sure way for her to become depressed and negative.

Nancy thinks she will never have any children and won't ever be happy so she may end up rejecting people and situations that arise in her life that could give her exactly what she wants. Nancy could actually end up rejecting what she really wants simply because she thinks she will never have it.

This may sound strange, but people actually do this to themselves a lot. People can end up undermining themselves and not realize it because they are limiting what they believe. That is why it is so important to keep your mind open and to be flexible, rather than rigid.

The only sure thing in life is change. Nothing ever remains the same.

This is a very inspiring and liberating truth because it means that there are always alternatives if you are open and willing to see them.




Thank you all for being here at The way is love today. If you have any comments or questions feel free to contact me.

Peace and love.

Tuesday In depth

Did Jake really believe that his girlfriend would be happy being second in his life?

I don't believe he did.

If Jake had truly been putting his work first and his girlfriend second I don't think he would have been upset that she left. By his reaction to her leaving I get the impression that she was not second, but that he was having trouble balancing his need to succeed at work and his need to be a boyfriend.

Our society puts a lot of pressure, especially on men, to be successful and to make money. Men are encouraged to identify with their careers more than being good boyfriends or good people. It is unfortunate that our society focuses on superficial things that don't really matter. What do I mean by that?

Walk by any magazine rack and you will see beautiful people airbrushed and smiling, skinny fitness gurus and things you 'must' buy to keep up with your neighbours. If you look at the business racks you see magazines about making more money, how you should invest that money and what gadgets you can spend that money on.

Our society has become all about superficial things that don't really matter. You are not a better person if you have a beautiful face or body, or if you have a lot of money and an iphone, for example. These are all exterior qualities or things that are of no real intrinsic value.

Having said that there is nothing wrong with looking after yourself, staying in shape and enjoying your work. There is everything good about wanting to be successful, but in all of these desires something is not being mentioned, not being faced.

Why was Jake upset his girlfriend left? It was because he loved her and didn't put his priorities in the right order for him. He fell into society's trap of focusing on doing, working, having, and not focusing on being present for his girlfriend emotionally. It is so important to remember that people want to be heard. People want to be acknowledged and they want to be loved.

I doubt that Jake would have been happy being second in his girlfriend's life. How would he have felt if she were constantly checking her phone, e-mails and working first and spending time with him only when she could 'fit him in'?

He would have resented her time spent away from him and likely asked her to put all that aside sometimes to only focus on him. Would that have been an unreasonable request? No, I don't believe so. If she couldn't even go away for a week without working what would that have told him? That would have told him that nothing is more important than her work, not even him.

Behaviour is everything. Everyone can take a week off from work. Some people choose not to, but everyone can do it. Life is about making choices. If you behave as if your work is more important than anything else but don't actually feel that way, then you are off balance.

I believe this is what happened to Jake. He focused on fulfilling his work commitments, but forgot about his commitment to his own feelings. He loved his girlfriend and wanted to be with her, but didn't end up behaving that way.



It was great to have you here at Tuesday In depth. Come by on Friday for my weekly The way is love blog and feel free to ask questions or make comments.

Peace and love.

Relationships and ambition

Jake, a web developer for a high tech company, wrote to me about his last relationship and why it ended. Jake said his girlfriend became annoyed with how often he checked his e-mails and text messages and how much time he spent online. During their last vacation together she wanted him to promise not to work at all while they were away. He said he had to work while they were away because he is responsible for uploading new content to his company's web site.

Jake is having trouble balancing his ambition and a relationship. He wrote that his work was his first priority and yet he wondered why his girlfriend had broken up with him. He asked me, don't women want men to be ambitious. Yes, but I think balance is the key.

Being ambitious does not mean putting your career ahead of your personal relationships. It is important to be honest with yourself about what your true priorities are. The question I asked myself after reading Jake's letter was why it had bothered him that his girlfriend had broken up with him. He told me plainly that his work was his first priority and she likely realized that she was second and decided she wanted something else. Did Jake expect her to be happy with being second in his life and knowing that his work would be his most important priority?

Clearly she was not happy and chose to leave. Putting work first and your relationships second changes the dynamics of your personal relationships. Jake will not attract the same type of woman if his work comes first. Anyone that is content being second (or third or fourth) doesn't want the same level of intimacy.

Ultimately this is something Jake has to work through. What does he want from his life right now? If he wants to concentrate on his work that's fine but he cannot expect to maintain a close, highly intimate relationship when he puts that person second or third or fourth.

Jake's career is only one way that he expresses himself and if he focuses exclusively on only one facet of his life then he will definitely lose his footing. And, as he has experienced, sometimes he will lose important relationships as well.

(If Jake was really putting his work first wouldn't he be relieved to be single? I will discuss this issue and more in my Tuesday article In depth, I hope you will join me then.)

I hope you enjoyed The way is love and feel free to express any insights you have about Jake or any other issues that are on your mind.

Peace and love.

Cross-cultural relationships and the root of intolerance

Jason, who is French Canadian, wrote to me about his cross-cultural relationship with his Russian girlfriend, Tanya. Jason is frustrated with his girlfriend's family and how negative they are about their relationship. Tanya's extended family, especially her mother, treats him very poorly simply because he is not Russian. As a result of this bigotry Tanya is thinking of ending her relationship with Jason. Tanya's family wants her to marry a Russian man, not a French Canadian. Jason feels alienated and hurt by her family's reaction and is worried he will lose Tanya because of her family's intolerance.

This is not the first time my readers have written to me about this issue and I think it is an important one to address. Cross-cultural relationships can bring out the worst in family members as I know first hand from my own personal experience. I am English and married a French Canadian here in Montreal. More than once my husband's mother made it clear that she was disappointed he had chosen an English woman. When my husband and I separated his mother didn't hesitate to say it would have likely worked if only I had been French Canadian.

This, of course, simply isn't true.

My marriage didn't work, not because he is French and I am English, but because we grew apart and our personalities became vastly different. That could have happened with anyone from any cultural background.

Some people cannot see cultures, experiences or even situations outside of their own from an open-minded perspective. Some people fear anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or different.

It is important not to fall into the easy trap of blaming something external to yourself for your own fears. Tanya's family is guilty of doing this and my ex mother-in-law is as well. She couldn't speak English very well and never felt very comfortable because of that fact. That likely contributed to her snobby behaviour. Snobs are simply insecure people with their noses in the air.

Anyone who is confident within themselves never has to talk about 'us' versus 'them.' After all, we are all human and that means we all share common concerns no matter what our skin colour or our cultural upbringing may be.

Having relatives that are snobs and bigots isn't much fun, but it is important that we don't let their immature behaviour affect our genuine love for our mates. Tanya needs to realize that she should not allow her extended family to pressure her into a relationship that she has not chosen for herself.

Personally I stay away from, or spend as little time as I can with, relatives that are closed-minded. I don't need nor want that kind of energy in my life and I don't want to spend my valuable time with people who are fearful.

It is important that Tanya makes choices based on her wants and needs because no one else knows her better than herself. If her extended family does not support her love for Jason that is their choice and their loss. By being true to herself (and Jason) Tanya may not have the support of her family, but she will have her self-respect and Jason's love.

In time, Tanya's family may overcome their fear and open their hearts to Jason. If Tanya's family does not overcome their fear at least Tanya won't be perpetuating their bigotry by leaving Jason.

Hopefully Tanya will stand up for her own happiness and have the courage to be true to herself and the man she loves.

These gut instincts of ours

This week's heart-wisdom quote by Albert Einstein highlights our society's disregard for the mind-body connection. Our intuitive mind, or gut instinct, communicates with us through our bodies, but we have not been taught, even as adults never mind as children, to pay attention to what our bodies know.

As humans evolved and adapted from the beginning of our time on this planet gut instinct has been an essential part of our survival. Not only can we sense danger through our bodies, but also through our senses as well. Likely our gut instinct was just another tool our predecessors used to stay safe and survive. It is not a tool that is rational however and that is likely why it has been discounted over time. As Einstein says we have forgotten the gift.

Our five senses are quantifiable and therefore slip into the rational realm. Intuition is more difficult to measure, but a crucial part of being human nonetheless. Just because our gut instincts are difficult to measure does not mean that they don't exist or aren't important. Judith Orloff discusses how important listening to our bodies is from the point of view of health and wellness. If you work in an environment that is toxic to your body, your health will suffer. Maybe not right away, but over time it likely will. For example, if your work environment makes you tense you may develop an acid stomach and headaches. With prolonged exposure these early signs from your body may turn into an ulcer and migraines. Listening to the early warning signs is part of keeping your body healthy.

Staying in situations or relationships that adversely affect your body is a way of ignoring what your gut instinct, or intuition, is trying to tell you. If you listen to your body, however, you realize that something in your work environment is toxic and find a solution that your body feels good about. For example, you could change departments, position or even find a new job. As long as your body feels good in that new environment you are keeping yourself healthier, not only physically but emotionally.

Christine Northrup discusses our mind-body connection at length in her book Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom. She has helped countless women learn how to interpret their physical problems and realize where those problems originated. As a culture we have been raised to put aside our personal feelings to fulfill the roles that we have taken on. Whether that role is worker or wife or husband, we are often encouraged to sacrifice our personal feelings to fulfill these roles. We keep that toxic job or stay in that toxic relationship against our bodies better judgment and pay the price with our health.

Listening to our gut instincts is as important to our survival now as it was in the beginning of time. Our lives can be healthier and more fulfilled by listening to our intuitions. Trusting our bodies to guide us through our lives is a healthy choice, physically and emotionally.

I wish you all a wonderful day and hope that you will take the time to pay attention to what your gut instinct already knows.

Thank you for experiencing The way is love today. Feel free to ask questions and make comments about today's blog or any other subject that interests you. I will respond to your comments as soon as I can.

Peace and love.

Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle

I started reading Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle about one week ago.

Actually it was exactly seven days ago because I'm on page five. Sound strange? I will explain.

Stillness Speaks is not a book in the traditional sense and it is definitely not like The Power of Now nor A New Earth.

Stillness Speaks is a collection of thought-provoking ideas that help us return to ourselves and our inner stillness.

The many phrases and paragrahs in the book have been written to make us peaceful and more ourselves. We are encouraged to not only notice but pay conscious attention to the nature around us. Tolle also encourages us to read the book slowly, carry it around with us, spend more time not reading it than reading it and to read it in bits and pieces not necessarily from cover to cover.

I admit when I started reading it I was a bit disappointed. I was expecting a book I could really sink my teeth into like his other books, but I have come to understand the wisdom behind this book.

As Tolle states, "It is reminding you of who you are and pointing the way back home."

One of the reasons why I have become so interested in writings such as Tolle's is that the world around us can seem so chaotic. I used to be caught up in that chaos at a time when I still believed that drama in life was normal.

I no longer live a life that is chaotic or dramatic and I have Tolle, in part, to thank for that.

Even so it took me a couple days to really read this book less and become peaceful more.

Now I leave the book on the corner of my office desk and I pick it up two or three times throughout the day and read the same entry again and again.

I then allow myself to think about what he has said or become still and focus on a tree and really feel peaceful in my soul.

I highly recommend this book to you whether you have read Tolle's other works or not.

As Tolle says, "It is the stillness that will save and transform the world."

If you have any questions about this book or any of the other books I've mentioned please leave me a comment and I will respond to you as soon as I can.

Thank you very much for reading and experiencing The way is love.

The spiritual community

I have been doing research for my Friday blog and I am overwhelmed by the amount of spiritual information on the web.

I searched the authors and speakers that I know of and have already found a wealth of information on Eckhart Tolle's, Marianne Williamson's, Judith Orloff's, Christiane Northrup's and Oprah's web site.

There are books, podcasts, CDs, lectures, weekend retreats and the list goes on and on.

It's all very exciting!

The book 'A Course in Miracles' is still a strong voice in the spiritual community. But there are also many new voices that reinforce what spiritual leaders (from all over the world) have been communicating since time began.

It is the similarities of idea and voice that astounded me the most. That is not to say that new people don't add to the revelations, because they do, but the essence of all the teachings seem to remain the same across background, country and belief system.

I will continue my research and write a beginning post on Friday--so please stay tuned.

Peace and love.

On Fridays

Good day all! I want to let you know how I am going to be approaching this new blog of mine.

I will post a new blog every Friday that will discuss a topic that is current, hot or close to my heart relating to spirituality.

I welcome your questions and comments about my post throughout the week.

And please suggest new topics too if anything inspires you.

Welcome!

I want to welcome my faithful blog followers and any newcomers that happen upon 'The way is love.'

This blog is an amalgamation of my love for writing and my deep belief in the spiritual.

I hope this blog will become an open forum for honest discussions about all that is healing, loving and spiritual in our universe.

Every person on this planet is their own unique universe, but, as humans, we share common bonds as well. It is important that we acknowledge the uniqueness of all while accepting our common bonds.

I have been on an incredible journey and it has spanned many years of my life. I have arrived here after reading many books and magazines, living through some incredible relationships and finding myself each step of the way.

I will try to lead this blog with forward-thinking, ingenuity and my love of life. I welcome any questions and comments you may have about the books I post, the blogs I write and any other topics you may want to discuss, hear more about or ask questions about.

Today is a new day--embrace it!