France wrote to me about her boyfriend, David. France and David met when they were in their early twenties and have been together for over eight years. When they met they were both finishing university and enthusiastic about their upcoming careers. They have both been focusing on their work for the last several years and haven't given much thought to having a family.
However, over the last couple of years, France has been thinking about having children. She has been debating whether she wants to add kids to her world, but as each year goes by she sees herself more and more with children. David, however, does not. David has never been interested in having children and doesn't believe he would be a patient enough father. He is very focused on his career and enjoys their life as a couple exactly the way it is. David doesn't want to change their life by having children.
France doesn't know what to do. Should she stay with David, who she is very happy with, and forgo having children? Or should France leave David and find someone else that wants children?
This is a difficult situation for both of them. Deciding to have children is a really big decision and it is even more critical when one wants children and the other does not.
It sounds as if France isn't sure if she wants children yet, but that David is sure he does not.
It is important for France to take the time to listen to her heart and make her decision based on what her heart tells her. Having children is a very big step and a huge commitment. It is not a choice that should be taken lightly or an experience that should be compromised because of someone else's feelings.
Once France knows for sure how she feels about having children she should then talk more seriously with David about it. If France thinks she can have a fulfilled life without children then she could choose to stay with David. If France knows that she definitely wants children then she would have to talk with David and see if he is flexible at all.
If David is not flexible then it is possible their life paths are diverging. Sometimes this happens with a couple and it is better for France to acknowledge this reality than sacrifice what she truly wants for her mate, and of course the same applies to David as well. If he truly doesn't want children then having them just to stay with France is not a good idea either.
The problem with sacrificing for your mate is that over time you may end up resenting your mate. You may feel that your mate forced you into not having children, or having children as the case may be. This could cause so much tension in your relationship that you could break up and that would be a very unfortunate end.
Big life decisions should be taken jointly as a couple whenever possible. If both people want children then the experience of being a parent is much more likely to be a positive one.
