Janice thinks she apologizes too much. She often says 'I'm sorry,' without even realizing it and is wondering if it is a problem. Janice also mentions that when it comes to important, emotionally charged situations she tends not to apologize at all, even if the situation warrants it.
I think it is common in our society for women to apologize for many little things that come up. For example, how many times have you backed up and almost, but not quite, stepped on someone, and said, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.' I have certainly apologized countless times in situations such as this that don't require an apology.
Men tend to apologize less and I have noticed that when men inadvertently step on someone, for example, they often don't apologize even then. In our society men are only encouraged to apologize for larger offences, but there is a stigma attached to men apologizing nonetheless. Real men just aren't supposed to apologize, and consequently not a lot of them do.
I think that anyone apologizing for small things that don't warrant an apology is not a good idea. Whenever something is said too often it loses its import.
I have trained myself to not say I'm sorry at the drop of a hat. I think, especially for women, it's not a good idea to be apologizing all the time. As a gender we are not collectively responsible for events that happen and we shouldn't act as if we are.
Also no one is responsible for so many things around them that they need to be apologizing again and again. It sends a message of weakness and culpability. People who apologize too much can either appear insincere or to be lacking in confidence.
Janice said that she has no trouble apologizing for the small, insignificant things but can't seem to say she's sorry at the important times. This is another issue.
Taking responsibility for your mistakes or for hurting someone's feelings (whether purposefully or not) is part of being a mature person. People who have trouble saying they are sorry when it is important often blame things or situations for their behaviour, rather than taking responsibility for themselves. They will often say things like, 'well, if you hadn't made me come home then I wouldn't have been rude to you' or 'if you'd told me about the schedule change earlier I wouldn't have been so late,' and so on. There is no excuse for being rude at any time and if the person knew about the schedule change then why were they late at all?
I wonder why Janice apologizes for all the small stuff but can't take responsibility for her behaviour when it really counts? Does she believe that all the small apologies are enough? Does she believe that being self-effacing in general negates her poor behaviour at other times?
I think the fact that Janice is aware of her behaviour is a big step in the right direction.
My advice to Janice would be to stop apologizing for the small stuff and start taking responsibility, and apologizing, for the big stuff. These are both extremely important steps to becoming a mature person and using the word 'sorry' when it really matters gives your apology the weight it deserves.
Thank you for being at The way is love today. I wish you all peace and love and until next Friday live well, love much and laugh often.
