Peter wrote to me about his new girlfriend, Deborah. He has been seeing Deborah for the last six months and Peter thinks she is beautiful, smart, warm, funny and kind. And on top of all that she really likes Peter. Deborah is very enthusiastic about their relationship and about Peter's work. Peter thinks, however, that she may be staying with him because he recently got an acting job on a TV series.
Peter said that he met Deborah around the same time he got the acting job and he doesn't think it is a coincidence. Peter wants to know if his friends are right thinking he's crazy to break up with her or if he should let her go.
I can understand Peter's caution about being with someone that wants him purely for his star status. Peter is looking for a relationship based on mutual love and respect and it would be painful for him to find out that Deborah was interested only in his fame. I agree with Peter that it was not a coincidence (because I don't believe in coincidences) that he met Deborah when he did; but I'd like to suggest that maybe he met her not for the reason he thinks he did.
It is possible that he was in a very good space in his life when he met her. He may have been emitting very dynamic, positive energy that not only helped him get the acting job, but also attracted Deborah to him. Despite what people say about opposites attracting, physicists have know for a long time now that like attracts like. I think that when Peter met Deborah they were likely both giving off similar positive energy and that's what attracted them to each other.
I have experienced this in my own life and it is a remarkable experience and can seem too good to be true at first (but, believe me, it isn't). Our culture has trained us to believe that love is difficult, that we must struggle to attain it and keep it and that often people are trying to use us in some way.
If Peter's feelings and intentions for Deborah are true and he loves her for all her wonderful qualities and for herself then he should stay with her. If she is as wonderful as he described then he shouldn't break up with her because she might be in love with his fame.
Why shouldn't he? Because, what if she is in love with him and not his fame?
If he chooses to break up with her rather than take that chance he may end up losing a wonderful woman that he could have spent his life with.
There is a reason why Peter and Deborah met and it may be for all the right reasons and none of the wrong ones.
Thank you for being part of The way is love today.
Feel free to send me your suggestions and comments.
Peace and love.
Your counsel is sound and I would add that Peter's achievements, glory and fame are part of his persona: that's who he is. I doubt a pretty face and a desirable body swept my woman off her feet. Rather it must have been a rare combination of wit, charm, the way I write, my achievements, my profession a devilish charisma and, perhaps, my arresting smile when she tripped over my begging bowl. Achievements may make us more noticeable, but we remain a construct of little miseries, sometimes seasoned with a sprinkle of glory and a dusting of magic.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much for your input, Carlos. You are right that the reasons why we find someone attractive are varied and complex. It is not as simple as 'he works on a popular TV series so I like him'. As you said about your woman, she found many different elements of who you are attractive and I certainly feel the same way about my man. I definitely believe in magic, the universe is infinitely magical and abundant.
ReplyDeleteI think it is time for everyone to start believing in love and stop looking for reasons to feel miserable. Life is too short for this. The challenges we are facing as a society, a culture, and a species are growing daily. Finding someone to spend time with, someone who resonates on the same wavelength, is a wonderful experience. Life is too short and unpredictable to second guess the good things that happen to us.
ReplyDeleteHi Aaron, I absolutely agree. Our society tends to encourage us to stay separate from other people, to keep people at arm's length emotionally and to keep our feelings hidden. It is impossible to live a full, passionate life that way. The universe is full of love for anyone that loves themselves. I think some people feel so unlovable that they project that outwards onto the people in their lives. This makes them suspicious when someone offers them love. Good things happen everyday if we are aware enough and open enough to experience them.
ReplyDelete