Ron's defensive behaviour could cost him his job

Bob wrote to me about his employee Ron, who becomes defensive and uncommunicative every time people ask him questions about his work. Ron is an engineer and must work with a team to evaluate and complete his projects.

Bob is finding Ron's reactions to the other team members disruptive and counterproductive. Bob said Ron is a good engineer, but when the team asks him direct questions about his engineering plans he sits down, crosses his arms across his chest and refuses to respond. Ron eventually makes some excuse to leave the room altogether and returns only once the meeting is almost over.

Bob is finding Ron's avoidance behaviour too much to ignore and must act, but isn't sure how to approach Ron.

Bob needs to speak with Ron privately, in a matter-of-fact tone of voice, and explain to Ron how he is reacting to his teammate's questions (because Ron may not be aware of his behaviour) and that his behaviour is disturbing the flow of the group. Bob should then ask Ron to think about why he has been behaving defensively and come back to his office in one week and discuss his thoughts with him. The week will give Ron the time to reflect on his behaviour, understand the importance of its impact on the group and hopefully identify where that defensive behaviour is originating from.

It sounds as if Ron's reactions are not related to the current situation but rooted in events from his past instead. When people react in exaggerted ways that are out-of-proportion with the actual situation they are often bringing past experiences into the present.

When Ron speaks with Bob one week later Ron will either realize that his behaviour needs to change or he will not. If Ron has some insight into his reactions then they can work together to overcome his fear of being criticized or judged, because that is likely the root of his defensiveness.

If Ron doesn't see his behaviour then Bob has to choose whether Ron should see a counsellor, be moved to a different position that doesn't involve team work or should be let go.

Whether Ron is able to change his behaviour or not, it is important that he be made aware of his behaviour and the way it interferes with the work of others. Ron is ultimately responsible for his behaviour and it is unlikely that he behaves that way only at work. His fear likely spills into other parts of his life as well. It is to Ron's advantage to be aware of how his reactions affect other people around him.

It may not be easy for Bob to approach Ron about his behaviour, but it a necessary step in finding a solution to his problem. It is possible that Ron will realize and change his behaviour, which benefits everyone.

If Ron chooses not to change his behaviour then Bob can choose what the best option is for Ron and his company knowing that he approached his problem head-on and honestly.